Chronicles of my sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always enlightening journey of a woman whose husband is diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.
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Monday, February 15, 2010
Before and After
Keith is not going to be too happy about this, but I wanted to do it anyway. I wanted to show the difference in his face just a few months after getting his PD diagnosis, and now, three years into it.
Today we were discussing what happened at his doctor's appointment, and he told be that he and Dr. Wooten had talked about depression. I have often asked Keith over the years if he felt depressed, mainly because he looks depressed. Dr. Wooten believes, and rightly so, that I worry about Keith being depressed because of facial masking. Facial masking - one of those wonderful PD symptoms. His face basically freezes, or in unable to register much emotion. It is so difficult to read Keith emotions and expressions anymore. I sometimes cannot tell if he is happy, sad, depressed, or angry. They all look pretty much the same to me now.
I told Keith today that when I look at picrtues of him with Rielly-Anne three years ago, I can see the happiness in his eyes. Now, looking at him with Cecilia, though I know he is happy, it is as if someone has turned out the light, so to speak. If you can imagine there was once a light behind his eyes, and now it is gone.
The first picture was taken while Keith was holding Rielly-Anne. She was about five months old at the time. He was so happy with her, and you can see it in his eyes. The bottom picture was taken about a month ago, while Keith was holding Cecilia. I know he was just as happy holding her as he was holding Rielly-Anne, but you really can't see it. The smile is the same, but the eyes are very different. His expression, to me, anyway, looks more like a dead stare with a fake smile. I just don't see the emotion here that I can clearly see in the top picture.
I hope that by seeing these pictures next to each other, Keith will understand why I always ask him if he's happy. Things are so different now than what I am used to, and not being able to read my husband's face is just one of many adjustments I need to keep making.