Monday, May 26, 2008

Mushy, Mushy, Mush

Now, I don't normally post stuff like this. I would like to think it's because I am a private person, but hell, just having this blog throws that theory out the window. Maybe it's because I'm just not that romantic. My idea of romance is watching Keith fold laundry. Ha Ha!!! Seriously, I just don't have a huge romance gene, so I don't normally post lovey-dovey stuff on here. But I came across a new blog recently and there were so many similarities between her (One Life) and I that I couldn't simply leave it alone. To quote One Life -

"I am desperate to build memories; desperate to eat all of our dessert first. There will be time enough for vegetables later, when time has run thin and this thing we're denying has finally caught up with us."

Yeah, I couldn't have said it better myself. This is EXACTLY how I feel about my life with Keith. Keith and I had another conversation last night regarding how he worries about everything and I seem to never worry about anything. He asked me why I never worry. I told that I do worry, much more than he knows. The difference between us is that I don't normally let my worries stress me out. He does. My line of thinking is more along the lines of - acknowledge the worst that can happen, accept that it can happen, plan for it happening, then live as if it WON'T happen. This is my general attitude towards life, but it is really about my life with Keith - our lives together with PD.

Yes, I am desperate to build memories. I am desperate to eat all our dessert first. I do not want to despair and throw my hands up in defeat. I do not want to live the rest of our lives together in "what if" mode. I do not want to skip dessert simply because it could eventually give me a tummy ache. In fact, I'm going to skip right over those veggies and head straight for the dessert buffet. It's just too sweet not to.

Like One Life, I too feel that "I am living my fairy tale." I don't know if it's in spite of PD, or because of PD. Probably a little of both. Keith and I do have a great love. We have one of those relationships that most people spend their entire lives trying to find. It both saddens and terrifies me to know that because of our age difference and PD, our relationship is on borrowed time. We are living on borrowed time. Because of that, I want to have as happy a life as possible for as long as possible. I want to build as many good memories as possible, because I will need those to draw strength from when things get bad for Keith. I have said on here before that Keith and I have a lot of living to do in a very short amount of time. And I would rather have a few good years - having babies, raising our family, seeking out new and exciting adventures, taking long vacations - knowing full well how fragile our time together is and how difficult it will be for us one day, than to have the rest of our life be mediocre at best because we are afraid of what could happen. I will not let PD paralyze our life.

Life is sweet, and our life together is very good. It is very refreshing, exciting and full of love. Even those dull, boring days of writing bills and folding laundry are exciting when Keith is around. He truly is the love of my life. After seven years together he can still make me weak in the knees. I still watch the clock impatiently waiting for him to come home each day. And I still get that light-headed, butterflies in my stomach feeling when he finally does walk through the door. If life truly is a dessert, then I am fortunate enough to have my cake and be able to eat it, too.

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